If you are looking for evidence to dispute the theory of evolution, then you need look no further than the human baby. On the 21st May, Baby G’s little arms and legs synchronised their movements just enough to enable him to crawl a few paces. Since that day, he has been on a mission of self-destruction. To such an extent that I can’t believe babies have survived for so many thousands of years. Forget the expensive Lamaze toys, the Duplo blocks and the Fisher Price bells and whistles, there is nothing more entertaining for Baby G than a power cable or the rubbish bin. It’s as if any dirty, dangerous detritus has some form of force field, attracting orbiting babes.
It’s amazing how unaware we were of potential dangers in our home, until our darling son lovingly picked them up (sometimes literally) for us. So here are some of the things that you might want to be aware of if your baby is starting to mobilise:
- Power cables and plug points (we’ve found bite marks in our speaker cables)
- Glasses of water (by power cables)
- Toilet brushes
- Dishwasher tablets in kitchen cupboards (for some reason the Tupperware cupboard is nowhere near as exciting)
- Safety pins in bathroom cupboards
- Leftover food under the highchair
- Blind cords
All of these things seem pretty obvious in retrospect, but I guess maybe we didn’t really appreciate how mobile and curious Baby G would become in such a short space of time.
Having chewed through a power cable, knocked a glass of water over a lamp and popped a penny in his mouth, he is certainly challenging the theory that Sapiens have evolved on account of their superior intellect and discerning natures. On the other hand, he did manage to forage some chicken skin out of the dustbin today. So if left in the wild, there is a good chance that he would survive thanks to his advanced “gathering” skills.